If you’re unfamiliar with Miss Earhart, please see the real Amelia Earhart story. Click on the “Last Flight” link to learn what really happened.  Or, Google her name.

Today, we’re honored to interview Amelia Earhart.

ME:  Welcome, Amelia.  We’re happ…

AE:  Call me AE; I’ve always hated, “Amelia”…sounds like a blood disorder.

ME:  Right.  Sorry.  So…AE…you’ve been keeping a low profile.

AE:  Are you kidding?  Low?  Any lower and I’d be dead.  In fact, I am dead…a small point you might want to mention.

ME:  Well, I didn’t want to scare our guests away…it is a family blog. Carolyn, Katie, or Elizabeth might bring their children.

AE: [Blank Stare]

ME: So, where have you been these, what, past 72-years?

AE: Aside from dead?

ME:  Uh, yeah.

AE:  Well, I hung-out on a South Pacific island for quite some time, then, did other stuff.

ME: Illuminating answer. What island?

AE: Nikumaroro, little scratch of sand about…ummmm, well..a bunch of miles South of my actual destination, Howland Island.

ME: How far South?

AE: A bunch.  What are you, the IRS?  I missed the damn thing, how do I know how far? If I knew exactly, I wouldna missed it.

ME:  Touchy about it, huh?

AE:  No.

ME: Humph.  Nice there?

AE: Don’t get out much, do you?

ME: Well, I…

AE: No, it’s not, “nice there.”  It’s 115 degrees year-round, little shade or fresh water, blowing sand, crabs the size of small dogs…that eat flesh—by the way, mosquitoes the size of small crabs, blood sucking ticks, Coke bottle-sized lizards, flies…

ME: Uh, okay, I get the idea.

AE: …it’s the place that time forgot.  I wouldna been surprised to see a dinosaur amble down the beach.

ME:  Okay, we get it!

AE:  I’m just sayin’…Nice?  Geez.

ME: Why didn’t you find Howland?

AE:  [Glare] Gee, thanks for asking.  Trying to embarrass me?

ME:  No, just a logical question…that the whole world has been asking–for 72 years, by the way.

AE:  Long story. Let’s skip it…at least for now.

ME:  Okay. I know the Navy looked for you. Did you see any search aircraft?

AE:  Yep. This is a sore point. How those rat bastards didn’t see a twin-engine aircraft sitting wheels up on the beach, or me jumping around waving…well, I’ll never know…but, I have suspicions.

ME: About what?

AE: Let’s skip it…at least for now.

ME: Did you die there? On Nikumaroro?

AE: No.  I died in Greenville, Ohio.

ME: Greenville?  Interesting.  Tell us about it.

AE: Ghoulish little twerp, aren’t you?

ME: Well, the readers wanna know. I’m obligated to ask.

AE: Shark attack.

Me:  Beg pardon?

AE:  S H A R K  A T T A C K.

ME: In Ohio?

AE:  Got dirt in your ears? 

ME:  No, just…well, it’s odd.  Not many sharks in Ohio.

AE:  Only takes one, as they say.

ME: How did you find this one?

AE: At the county fair.

ME: The fair?

AE: I fell into the shark tank….from the Ferris wheel ride.

ME: You’re putting us on.

AE: Wanna see the bite wounds.

ME: No! No, tanks. Ha!

AE: Cute.

ME: Thanks!

AE:  Look-up sarcasm when you get the chance?

ME: Sure, how do you spell it?

AE:  Never mind.

ME:  Why Ohio?

AE: Employment.

ME: As a…

AE: Fortune cookie writer. I’d obviously spent lots of time in the orient, so, it was easy to make a case to the Crumbling Cookie Company that I could do the job…without, well, crumbling.

ME: Sigh.

AE: All true, Galen. I wanted a low profile life. I’d been aviation’s darling girl of the 1930s. I was ready for some peace and quiet—less the crabs, heat, etc. So, I picked Ohio and fortune cookie writing. Very peaceful.

ME: Anything to the reports about you spying on the Japanese?

AE: Yes. All true. I had a Turk Island over flight to photograph the Japanese naval installations.

ME: The government denied that, you know.

AE: Ya think? You really do need to get out more.

ME: Maybe once I sell my house.

AE: It’s why we missed Howland and ran out of fuel.

ME: How’s that?

AE: I flew like crazy to avoid the Japanese fighters, which I did, but I burned lots of gas…lots of it. Plus, that evasive maneuver stuff put me way off-course. Never did find myself again.

ME: When and how did you get off the island?

AE: About 1958.  I was rescued. A ship owned by Ed Sullivan stopped. They were looking for animal acts for his show…but the crabs proved too cantankerous. I however, was very cooperative and the captain took me along.  Kinda cute too…especially after all those male-deprived years.

ME:  Uh…family blog???

AE:  Right.

ME: Why didn’t you come forward about your adventures?

AE: I tried, but got a White House gag-order slapped on me. Dunno why, the war had been over for ten, twelve years by then. Guess they were still trying to be buddies with the Japanese, and all that war stuff was just best forgotten. Overtime, I became old news, then, no news.

ME: Our word count is about up, AE. Any last thoughts for our readers?

AE: You bet.  Some pointers I picked up writing at Crumbling Cookie…

Eliminate unnecessary words

Substitute “damn” every time you’re inclined to write “very;” your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain

I used to feel that using words like “really”, “actually”, or “extremely” made writing more forceful. It doesn’t. They only get in the way. Cut them and never look back.

Write with passion

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. ~William Wordsworth

It’s not hard to realize that unless you’re excited about your writing no one else will be.

Paint a picture

Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. ~Anton Chekhov

Simply stating something is fine, but when you need to capture attention, using similes, metaphors, and vivid imagery to paint a picture creates a powerful emotional response.

Be unique and unpredictable

I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite. ~G.K. Chesterton

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. ~Oscar Wilde

Following what works will only get you so far. Experiment with new styles, even if it means taking criticism. Without moving forward, you’ll be left behind.

ME:  Wow.  Great tie-in with writing.

AE:  I can see you need the help.