Thomas Jefferson—What You Didn’t Know
We’re lucky to have Thomas Jefferson visiting Imagineering Fiction, today. Hello, Mr. Jefferson.
You can call me Mr. President.
You’ve done a host of things in your life: author, attorney, Governor of Virginia, founder of the University of Virginia, Ambassador to France, Secretary of State, Vice President, President, Musician…sorta, Quasi-Scientist, and Founding Father, just to name a few.
You forgot, I wrote the Declaration of Independence. Thought enough of that stick on my tombstone.
Well, since you brought it up, there’s been some question about that document.
Like what?
Well, that maybe some of it wasn’t entirely original with you.
Oh?
Well, yes. That, and the fact that you were part of committee along with Ben Franklin and John Adams. They also had input but never get credit. In fact, didn’t Franklin, actually create—with an edit—one of its most famous phrases? The one about, “self-evident”…even stuck the hyphen in there.
I suppose…if you wanna pick nits. Franklin always was a showboat. That lightning thing fried his brains.
Hmm. And, how about the charge you…how should I put this…borrowed liberally from other documents…such as, George Mason’s Virginia Declaration of rights, The Mecklenburg Declaration, and John Locke.
Scurrilous lie—and the Mecklenburg thing is a myth…never happened. Locke was someone we all admired, so, he doesn’t count. Be like saying mentioning the Kennedy “Ask Not” quotation was plagiarism. Everyone one knows it, has heard it, and uses it. No one annotates it.
And Mason?
Nope, never touched his stuff.
Well, then, you won’t mind a comparison, at least with Mason
Well…
Let’s see, oh, we could start anywhere, but, why not at the beginning with good old Section 1. He says, and of course, I’m quoting—wanna be clear on that…
That all men are by nature equally free and independent and have certain inherent rights, of which, when they enter into a state of society, they cannot, by any compact, deprive or divest their posterity; namely, the enjoyment of life and liberty, with the means of acquiring and possessing property, and pursuing and obtaining happiness and safety.
Sounds kinda familiar, don’tcha think?
Well, I needed something to get me started, but, after that, I just sorta rip the King of England. That’s original…and fun. Look-it, everyone uses references.
True, and they usually document them.
James Madison said, “The object was to assert, not to discover truths.” Who cares where the words came from, it was necessary to get them out there. I did that. And that’s all I’m sayin’ on it.
Okay. Did you fight in the revolution?
You mean like as a soldier, with a gun and all?
Yeah, “with a gun and all.”
Uh, no. Too busy being Governor of Virginia…if it’s all the same to you.
Not until 1779.
There you go with the nits.
Hamilton, Monroe, Henry Knox, John Dickenson—a Quaker pacifist contemporary from Philidelphia, and others managed to serve.
Clearly, I’m not those guys.
Clearly. What did you do when the British invaded Virginia and threatened to capture you?
What you would have done, smart guy. I hightailed it out of there. Those bastards in Philadelphia moved the capital a bunch of times to avoid British capture. Nothing untoward there.
No Courage issues? No heroic fight to the death for, life, liberty, etc?
Nope. What, you want me hang around and get hung?
Well, I just wondered, ‘cause later, nice and safe in Paris, you wrote…and, of course, I’m quoting. “The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.” That’s mighty bold talk for someone, who, given the chance to shed some blood, “hightailed it outta there.”
I like hyperbole.
Apparently. Tell us about Maria Cosway.
Who?
Who indeed. You know, the married woman with whom you had an affair while ambassador to France. The recipient of your famous head and heart letter.
I think that overstates our relationship.
Oh, now you remember her?
Next subject.
Wasn’t this the same time that you’d brought Sally Hemming to Paris?
I told you she was off the record.
No DNA discussion? You’re a man of science. Seems like you’d love a chance to talk DNA.
Next subject.
Well, How about the election of 1800.
What? Have you tried to dig up every piece of Jefferson dirt there is?
Not hard to do, plenty of it.
I won the damn thing fair and square.
Hmm. Well, let’s look at it a bit more closely. You and Aaron Burr, of all people, tied for the Presidency with the same number of electoral votes, 73.
Right.
Took the House of Representatives seven days and 36 ballots to elect you as President.
So?
What happened on that 36th ballot? What was so different about it from the previous 35?
What are you implying?
Guilty conscience?
Nothing happened. I won, that’s all.
No political deal?
I said I wouldn’t strike a deal for the office.
How about the promises you made to the fence-sitters to vote for you. You know, about keeping all the current federalists in office, not to disband the Bank of the United States, among other things, both of which you opposed. Then, you get elected and bingo, nary a word or action against either.
Coincidence. Anything else?
Well, we could go on and on, For example, haven’t yet talked bout James Callendar, your paid, secret political henchman whom you never acknowledged, or, your very ill fated Embargo Acts that almost bankrupted the country, or…
Yeah, well, I gotta go.
…Or your misguided view that America would find its place in history as an agrarian society, or that Alexander Hamilton—a true genius by the way–
Who managed to get himself killed, by my old buddy, Aaron Burr. Ha, ha, ha.
Or that Hamilton, who should know, having daily dealings with you in Washington’s first cabinet, called you a “contemptible hypocrite.”
Do I get any credit for anything?
Such as?
How about the Louisiana Purchase maybe? You overlooked that bit of political genius. Doubled the size of the country without firing a shot…and solved the New Orleans port question.
Sure, but let’s not forget you didn’t seek it. You just wanted to buy New Orleans. Then, you didn’t wanna sign it, once your emissaries brought it back.
Okay. How about Lewis and Clark?
Even a dead clock is correct twice a day.
I’m not gonna get a fair trial here.
It’s fair, Mr. Jefferson, I just wanna make sure history is aware of your complete body of work, not just the good stuff…if there really is any good stuff. Some historical figures are overlooked and forgotten. Some are overrated and have a status they don’t deserve, Mister “All-Men-Are-Created-Equal” slave- holder-until-the-day-you-died.
Says you.
Says history. You could look it up.
Uh…don’t.
Themocracy
This is great! And a little taste of the ribbing our favorite historical figures could face if they suddenly materialized in the 21st century.
Elizabeth
Mystery Writing is Murder
I love the interviews you do and think you should consider doing more and putting them together in a book format. If I’d had you for a history teacher, I might have paid attention in class!
love these historical posts with the humorous flair. I learn as I chuckle – good stuff. Hey can you imagine if the 18th century politicians had to put up with modern era journalists and press? They’d probably reconsider the freedom of speech and press thingy, lol.
The Old Silly
Good stuff, Galen. Toppling heroes, exposing myths, and making me chortle–all with one post! You’ve done your homework, I see.
Galen I’m impressed with your imagination and cutting historical figures down to a human size is always fun. Well done and thanks for bringing a smile to my face on a Monday!
If Jefferson materialized in the 21st century, Elizabeth, he’d be mortified. He wanted the country to grow up to be a nation of gentlemen, Philosopher farmers. Oh, then there’s that DNA thing.
Since you’re a kind of Acquisition Editor, Jane, you can anticipate said book arriving in your inbox in about an hour!
You, Know, Marv, it was actually worse back in the day. The Alien and Sedition acts, for example, allowed the government to JAIL or Deport anyone speaking out against the president, the government or it’s policies. Yikes. It was one of John Adams few errors.
Yeah, you’re right, Jack, I did have to look up a lot of this stuff. I knew it peripherally, as I love history, I but wanted to be as accurate as possible. It was homework.
Elspeth, anytime I can make you smile is time well spent!
Thanks to each of you for stopping by. Galen.
You kidding me? That’s the very sort of Imperial oppression the spirit of the Declaration of Independence was all about/against. So this must’ve been before the full Bill of Rights?
The Old Silly
GREAT post! I love this stuff – kind of a presidential roast. You make learning so entertaining. I second Jane’s idea…or at least serialize it…maybe on Kindle. I’ve read some authors are doing that with their blogs. You have excellent content for that.
Nancy, from Realms of Thought…
This is funny and entertaining, Galen, especially since I watched the movie version of the musical 1776 this weekend.
As my grandfather always said (a very wise man BTW) :If you ever find an honest politician, don’t vote for him, and keep him that way.”