Pearls of…Not Wisdom
Frank
On a recent trip to a remote mountaintop, I met a wise and holy person dressed in, uh, robes…and sandals…and…wearing a…turban. His name was…uh…Frank.
Anyway, Frank and I fell to talking. It turned out he’s this….wise and holy person, which, for obvious reasons, made for an interesting personality contrast.
After about ten minutes of chatting, Frank said, “You know, Earl…” I hate it when people call me Earl. “…you should be writing down what I’m saying because, it’s, well, wise and holy.
“Uh, huh,” I said.
He made one of those nods and a rolling motion with his hand indicating, Well, go ahead, start writing. So, I did.
When he finished, he said, “You should post those on you blog next Wednesday.”
Never one to raise the ire of a wise and holy person, I readily agreed. If you read the list, maybe you’ll come across something…well, you know.
- While watching the Olympics, cheer equally for China and the US. It’s not faithless fandom, but honoring humanity. Why? When Chinese athletes lose, they are executed. (You can tell right now this is gonna be a high quality list, huh?)
- Bad decisions make good stories. (This one’s actually pretty good.)
- Nothing’s worse than the moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. (Except maybe losing 90 percent of your IRA in the Market meltdown.)
- Napping opportunities, like investments, (Do we see a theme here?) shouldn’t be wasted while you’re young. You’ll want them back–in spades–at age 59-1/2.
- Authors need a sarcasm font. (Another good one.)
- The world’s most useless thing are the first five steps of any Map Quest direction. Most people know how to get out of their neighborhood.
- The world’s most helpless feeling is the millisecond after you realize you’ve leaned too far back in your chair.
- If you look at your watch three times within 20 seconds, and still don’t know the time, then you don’t need to know the time. Don’t look again….but you will.
- Enter the phone numbers of people you don’t like, but who call you, in your phone. This way, you’ll know when not to answer.
- Did you know…Cops get annoyed because everyone they drive behind travels the speed limit…minus five.
Well, there you have it. Wise and Holy Frank’s maxims and dictum…and you didn’t have to climb to the top of a remote mountain to get them. Hooo HAAA.
Thanks for dropping by. See you again on Friday when I’ll have more top quality tidbits you just can’t find anywhere else.
Themocracy
Frank really is a wise man! You’re cracking me up this morning with your picture of Frank and your advice…especially love the MapQuest directions note. Actually, I’ve gotten lost with MapQuest so many times that I think it should be the whole list that’s useless!
Elizabeth
Mystery Writing is Murder
Come on, Galen, fess up. “Frank” is really Jack Regan.
This is awesome. I especially like the idea of the sarcasm font. You’re gonna get right on that, right?
Frank is on it today! I particular like the sarcasm font idea. Naps are good, no matter what your age!
Wise thoughts for the middle of the week. Thanks for sharing Frank and his wisdom.
The Mapquest thing was priceless! Frank does know a few things.
Again, where did you get that picture of me? And my name is not “Frank”
The Old Silly
Frank is very wise – and frank. I enjoyed all of these, but special marks for the Mapquest and the sarcasm font.
I also like the idea of a sarcasm font – why hasn’t someone thought of that before? I hope you have the opportunity to meet up with Frank again sometime.
I am so gonna do that with my cell phone!
I never know what time it is. Say hi to Frank for me.
Funny stuff, Galen. I especially like the one about putting the numbers of people you don’t want to talk to in your caller ID system so you know when not to answer the phone. I may do that.