Comments (11)

By Galen, March 17, 2010 6:03 AM

Before we begin…Let’s talk winners from, “The Easiest Contest Ever.”  If you sent me your mailing addy, you won.  Simple as that.  Expect the book near the middle of April.   I just got the proof and have to read it through….one—-more—-time. ugh.

“We apologize for the inconvenience and appreciate your patience.”

I guess I heard that sentence probably 15 times on Friday.  By time five, I was annoyed. By time 15, I was nearly dead. The sentence is the new motto for American Airlines. All their employees know it, are skilled in its use, and repeat it ad infinitum.  Here’s the short version of what these nincompoops did to us.

Mission:  Fly from Albuquerque to San Antonio, changing planes in Dallas.

Summary:  I flew from Seattle to London in less time than it took to get from Albuquerque to San Antonio.

Pain and Suffering Index:  10 of 10.

Details: 

• Original airplane late arriving in ABQ.  No reason given, but we did have our first encounter with, “We apologize…”
• Late arrival into Dallas. Got to gate. Aircraft had to hold outside gate because another aircraft was loading passengers at said gate. “We apologize…” 
• Meanwhile, our connecting flight is ready to leave.  Finally, we pull into the gate. Does the crew make an announcement like… “You know, we have some passengers with tight connections.  If you aren’t connecting, please let these other folks off the airplane." No. Not a word, not even an apology.
• We run…literally…to the connecting gate.  Airplane gone. “Gee, you just missed it.  We apologize…  Go to Gate X and get on standby for the next flight to SA,” we’re told. 
• We go to Gate X. We’re standby numbers 14 and 15.  We wait about an hour and a half.  An announcement is made: “We think this airplane is broken.  We have to check it out.”  30 minutes later, “Yep, it’s broken.  We’re gonna get another one. We apologize….”
• I approach the desk and ask about another flight to SA that will leave in an hour from another part of the terminal.  “Oh, yes.  Hmmmm.  Well, why don’t you go over there, because at standby number 14, you’re not gonna get on this flight anyway, that’s for sure.”
• We ride one of those airport trains halfway around the airport.  We arrive at the new gate. We are numbers 1 and 2 on standby!  Life is good.  We wait for about 45 minutes.  My name is called.  I smugly walk to the counter. I am THE Man.  Numero Uno on standby.  Check me out.  Yeah. I’m bad. I’m cool. I am about to be ticketed.  Yeeesssss! SA, here we come.
• I reach the desk. “Sir, you are actually on standby for the flight that sent you here.  AND, they are loading right NOW.  You need to get back to that gate RIGHT AWAY.  You have ten minutes–maybe. I’m not sure you can make it, but you might if you run.  GO NOW!”
• In shock, I babble something about being number one on standby.  “Maybe so, but, the flight is full,” I’m told, “There will be no standbys.  GO TO THE GATE YOU CAME FROM…AND RUN! GO NOW!” 
• I grab my dazed wife and–again–we literally run to the tram, ride it, get off, and run to the gate. Panting and sweaty, we approach a vacant gate—save one gate agent.
• The airplane is gone.  A disinterested gate agent asks me what I’m doing there??  “I was sent,” I explain, flabbergasted.  “Don’t  know why,” she says; “this airplane left 20 minutes ago.  We apologize…”
• “You gotta be kidding,” I say.  My wife is looking for a lethal weapon to use on anyone in sight…including me.
• “No, I’m not kidding,” says the agent. “But, that flight you just came from is boarding now. You’re on standby for it. You must RUN back there RIGHT NOW!  HURRY!”
• We run to the tram to go back to the same gate we left ten minutes earlier.
• We dash onto the tram…going the wrong direction.  It takes us the loooooooong way to the gate.  It’s at least 10 PM.  We started at Noon.  We’re dog tired, stressed out, and carrying bags that were originally light, but now seem to weigh 500 pounds each.  We give up.  My wife wants to cry.  Then, she wants to go home. “I’m done,” she says. Next flight out to Albuquerque, she swears she’ll be on it.   She’ll see her parents another time. I don’t know quite what to do.
• We get off the tram and stroll to the departure gate—hey, the flight is long gone, why rush?? In fact, Donna asks why we’re going to an empty gate??  I have some faint thought it’s just the right thing to do, but I can’t articulate it. “Humor me,” I say, risking decapitation.
• We reach the gate. The plane is still there! They’re loading. I stop, jaw agape. I raise my arms, as in, “WTF is going on???”
• The gate agent explanation is foggy at best.  Somewhere I hear him say it was an error…or words to that effect.  No clear acceptance of responsibility for a screw up, just mumbling and fumbling with the keyboard. The other agent has the grit to say, “Well, at least you got some exercise. Ha. Ha. Ha.”  This nearly resulted in her strangulation, but, I restrain myself.
• We’re issued boarding passes—which at this point I wouldn’t trade for a rebound in my IRA.  We board…and sit there for another 20 minutes while other standbys board the airplane we were supposed to run for.  AND, which was originally so full no standbys would get on.
• As the aircraft is pushed back from the gate, we hear the usual flight attendant babble about rules and regs. At the end, we also hear, “We apologize….

Addenda:

• My wife swears she will never fly American Airlines again. She’d rather walk than get on one of their flights.
• We finally get to the hotel and in bed about 1 AM—but not without rental car adventures, and hotel location adventures.  But, that, as they say, is another story.

Thanks for stopping by; hope to see you again on Friday.

Comments (6)

By Galen, March 12, 2010 4:39 AM

Okay, thus far we’ve given away six books.  Let’s make it ten.  So, today’s, win-a-free book-contest is the easiest in the history of the internet—or humanity. You’ve no hoops to jump through. None. Zero. Zip. Nadda. What do you have to do????

If you want a free, no-strings attached copy of Hearts of the Morning Calm, use the email button in the right sidebar ======> to send me your mailing addy.  That’s it.

I’ll stick the submissions in a fish bowl<====…less the fish and water…. and draw four names! It’s that easy.

Heck, if I get enough requests, I may not stop at four! So, don’t be discouraged if you read this on Sunday, for instance. Don’t think you’re too late to the party because, ta da, everyone has an equal chance. I won’t draw winners until Monday morning! So, submit. I’ll post the winners Wednesday; I’ll probably not post Monday.

A point of order: I’ll be unable to visit blogs or comment today. So, with that in mind….

Thanks for stopping by and see you again on Monday…or maybe Wednesday.

Comments (12)

By Galen, March 10, 2010 4:47 AM

Frank

On a recent trip to a remote mountaintop, I met a wise and holy person dressed in, uh, robes…and sandals…and…wearing a…turban.  His name was…uh…Frank. 

Anyway, Frank and I fell to talking. It turned out he’s this….wise and holy person, which, for obvious reasons, made for an interesting personality contrast. 

After about ten minutes of chatting, Frank said, “You know, Earl…” I hate it when people call me Earl. “…you should be writing down what I’m saying because, it’s, well, wise and holy.  

“Uh, huh,” I said.

He made one of those nods and a rolling motion with his hand indicating, Well, go ahead, start writing.  So, I did.

When he finished, he said, “You should post those on you blog next Wednesday.”

Never one to raise the ire of a wise and holy person, I readily agreed.  If you read the list, maybe you’ll come across something…well, you know.

• While watching the Olympics, cheer equally for China and the US. It’s not faithless fandom, but honoring humanity.  Why? When Chinese athletes lose, they are executed. (You can tell right now this is gonna be a high quality list, huh?)
• Bad decisions make good stories. (This one’s actually pretty good.)
• Nothing’s worse than the moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. (Except maybe losing 90 percent of your IRA in the Market meltdown.)
• Napping opportunities, like investments, (Do we see a theme here?) shouldn’t be wasted while you’re young. You’ll want them back–in spades–at age 59-1/2.
• Authors need a sarcasm font. (Another good one.)
• The world’s most useless thing are the first five steps of any Map Quest direction. Most people know how to get out of their neighborhood.
• The world’s most helpless feeling is the millisecond after you realize you’ve leaned too far back in your chair.
• If you look at your watch three times within 20 seconds, and still don’t know the time, then you don’t need to know the time.  Don’t look again….but you will.
• Enter the phone numbers of people you don’t like, but who call you, in your phone. This way, you’ll know when not to answer.
• Did you know…Cops get annoyed because everyone they drive behind travels the speed limit…minus five.

Well, there you have it.  Wise and Holy Frank’s maxims and dictum…and you didn’t have to climb to the top of a remote mountain to get them.  Hooo HAAA.

Thanks for dropping by.  See you again on Friday when I’ll have more top quality tidbits you just can’t find anywhere else.